Opening Up About Your Financial Past in Premarital Counseling

Premarital counseling is designed to help couples moving toward marriage work together to prepare for a lifelong relationship. Many things are discussed in premarital counseling such as plans for the future, expectations, family planning, the past, and finances. Some people skim over parts of this, thinking they are insignificant, but they are all important.

One area that can be hard for people to discuss is finances. While talking about money can be uncomfortable for some, the Bible is quite open about money. With over 2000 verses that address money, it is clear that God knew it would be an important part of our lives. Still, many of us shy away from discussing it, especially if it involves our past money choices.

Only talking about the future.

Marriage can feel like a clean slate in many ways. Some people think of marriage as a fresh start to get on track financially. This can be a great opportunity to do so, but if you do this without discussing the past, it can derail even the best plans. Instead, you and your partner should spend time talking about your financial pasts.

As you go through this with a counselor, you can both address any problem areas, look for solutions together, and start your marriage without financial secrets.

Financial history: what to talk about in premarital counseling.

Money is a big topic. It involves your spending habits, your saving habits, your former choices, how you handled financial issues, and even how your parents handled their finances. Though this may seem unnecessary, it is a good way to make sure you and your partner can move forward in financial freedom together.

Here are some important things to discuss:

Debt.

How you think about and handle debt is important as you are building a life with someone. Talk about these questions:

• Do you have any debt?
• How do you feel about debt?
• If you had debt, how did you handle it?
• Have you ever filed for bankruptcy?
• How much credit card debt do you have? What is the most you’ve ever had?
• Have you ever borrowed money from someone?

Spending habits.

The way you spend your money is important to consider as you build a life together. Talk about the following questions in premarital counseling:

• When you were a kid, did you like to save money or spend money?
• How has that stayed the same or changed as you became an adult?
• What bank accounts do you have?
• Have you ever shared a bank account with someone?
• Have you ever invested your money? How did it go?

Family history.

While you or your partner may do things differently than the family you grew up with, it can be helpful to recognize the habits and patterns you knew as a child or teen. It’s okay if you don’t know all the answers, but spend time thinking about and discussing these questions:

• How did your parents handle their money?
• Did your parents talk about money opening?
• Did your parents argue about money?
• Were there any separate accounts or was everything joint?
• Do you remember your parents arguing about money?
• Did one parent handle the bills or did they do it together?
• What was your family’s financial situation? Did you feel like you had what you needed?
• How did your family spend money? Did they make big purchases often?

Financial history and premarital counseling.

Going through these questions on your own is a good start, but it is helpful to discuss them with a counselor. A trained counselor can help you navigate the emotions that often come along with discussing money.

Get your marriage started on firm financial footing with premarital counseling. Connect with a counselor in this office to learn more.